Lately what has been keeping me busy is my new film project, Playful Murder. It’s going to be a horror/psychological movie project. I was supposed to have the script finished yesterday by 6 PM for the cast meeting… but me being the procrastinator that I am, I didn’t finish it until around 7. I was working for hours until then. But yes, I finally finished the script! It was sooooo long!

Anyways, we all got together last night and read through it twice. We then went through it again trying to arrange things correctly and making sure we had the right voice and tone for the situations. We then went through it again, this time acting it out. We decided to do it once more, but this time on location where we’ll be shooting some of it. So we drove to Marie Dorian Park (which is a super creepy isolated park out in the country, and has a deserted building and everything), and practiced some of the scenes there.

Some basic info:

TITLE
Playful Murder

CAST
Yesenia Gutierrez as Rose Mason
Marcos Gutierrez as Damian Mason
Jocelyn Hagar as Faye Perkins
Alex Harrison as Adam Baker
Agustin Campos as David Martinez
Isabel Ibarra as Crystal Garcia

Directed and Written by Yesenia Gutierrez
Produced and Co-Written by Marcos Gutierrez

The story is about fraternal twins Damian and Rose Mason who were responsible for 12 murders in their small town of Milton-Freewater, OR. It was only discovered after they had committed suicide together that they were the murderers.

Five years later, four friends (Faye, Adam, Crystal, and David) go to Marie Dorian Park, where the murders had taken place, and tried to contact the dead spirits of Damian and Rose in hopes to discover why they had killed. Unfortunately, Faye used a book based on witchcraft, accidently unleashes the evil spirits and brings their souls back from the dead, which then brings chaos and death to the four friends.

That’s all I’m going to say! I’ll say more once we’re more further into the filming. We still have hours and hours of practicing, finishing costumes, finish the sets for the other scenes, working out all the murders and blood scenes, makeup practice, filming, arranging, and working out the special effects.

So it’s going to take a few months until we’re completed with this project, but I’m sooo looking forward to it!

Hate is such a strong word that I don’t normally like to use it. Of course there are many things I dislike, but can deal with. But there is one thing that I absolutely hate and in no way want to deal with. And was is it that I hate?? One word… ants. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate them!

I don’t really know what their purpose is in this world. I wish a non-human-harming-gas would spread around this world getting rid of all the ants. Well, at least the ones in my house and backyard.

Anyways, these stupid little bugs are invading our house! They’re all over the kitchen. On the counters, clean dishes, in the sink, and in the cupboards. They’re on the floor in my brother’s room, in my bathroom, and the guest room. There’s no food anywhere that can be attracting them! And once I pour a little bit of dog food into Sora’s bowl, I come back in 5 minutes, and they’re all over his food! Poor Sora just sits staring at his bowl. Lately now though, he is learning to eat his food right away before the ants get to it.

To get rid of the ants, we’ve tried spraying this “ant-home-defense” thing all around the perimeter of our house and rooms. We’re using Raid for ants and spraying it all over the kitchen and in cupboards. They just don’t go away! The moment these pesky ants get into my room I am going to scream from desperation.

….. On a lighter note, isn’t Sora absolutely adorable?!

He has a love for stuffed animals and pillows… just like me! XD The only sad thing is that he takes MY stuffed animals and makes it his. I feel a little bad that he has this red teddy bear because it was a gift from one of my best friends, Christina, who gave it to me before she moved to North Carolina back in the 7th grade (like… 8 years ago or so… we still keep in touch though).

But I also felt bad trying to take the teddy away from Sora because he kept on trying to grab it out of my hands. He finally succeeded and crawled under the bed with the bear. I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched him cling onto the bear with his teeth. He finally let it go when I tried to bait him with a dog treat. In the second picture it looks like he wasn’t sure what he should do… go for the treat and abandon the bear, or look sadly at the bear and hope that I’ll cave in and give him both the bear and treat. XD

I love my Sora! <3

Gah, it’s soooo hot!
I miss winter…. ;_; I miss all the thunderstorms, wind storms, snow storms…. lol

Anyways, so this week I started my summer courses at WWCC. I’m taking a math class(Mon-Thurs), and a PE class (Mon & Wed). It’s actually been pretty good. I’m glad that I’m putting my mind to better use instead of wasting hours at home doing nothing.

Math is my least favorite subject, and the last time I took a math class was during my junior year of high school… like 4-5 years ago. =D But it’s all starting to slowly come back to me. The crappy thing is that we have homework everyday, and we have at least 100 math problems to do each night. And the instructor is so boring. I’m trying very hard not to fall asleep during his class. But having it at 7:30 in the morning isn’t helping. ;_;

Anyways, it’s been two weeks since my mom left for Mexico. I miss her so much. It was getting really bad at my home with my dad and my younger brother. My brother doesn’t talk much with my dad, so it has been up to me to keep him company and do most of the chores around the house. I hate it. And to make things worse, my parents problems were so bad, and now they seem to have gotten worse cause my dad is absolutely angry that my mom left to Mexico. I hate his old-fashioned thinking.

But I guess I’m going to keep on trying hard. And it’s great to know that I have the support of my friends. My boss at Web Weavers, who is also a great friend and teacher, offered to let me stay at her home for a while. That way my parents can work things out on their own without me being in the middle and having to burden everything. I was really appreciative. She knows that I put my family and everyone else’s feelings before me, and she said she was worried about my emotional health.

I think I may accept her offer. But I am going to wait until my mom gets back and see how are things between my parents. I really don’t want to be in the middle of their fighting. It hurts me because I love them so much, and my whole life I have had to burden all their problems and my own problems. But I need to keep telling myself that they are adults and they need to come to a solution without me being involved.

Anyways…. didn’t mean to go all EMO there for a min. On a more happier note…. I got my new bento boxes that Meyli sent me from Japan! They’re sooo cute! I got a blue one with a dragonfly on it, and a red one with 2 rabbits on it. It’s so cute! I’ll post pics of them soon!

I woke up this morning at 3:30 to take my mom to the airport… which is like an hour away. *_*  It was pretty sad seeing her leave. She’s flying to San Jose, and then tomorrow she, my grandpa, uncle, and cousin are driving to Guanajuato, Mexico. I wish I could’ve gone with her… but I didn’t have no money, plus I am taking summer courses. >_< Oh well~ I am going to miss her.

Since I was bored, I decided to play around in the kitchen and finally use my new Monokuro Boo bento!

I tried to make it as cute as possible… but then again, it’s my first time trying to make a cute bento lunch. Plus the fact that I had hardly NOTHING in the fridge made it harder. I definately have to go grocery shopping today.

Anyways, on the top part I have pineapple, noodles, and octupus-shaped hotdogs. XD They didn’t really come out that good! =D
Bottom part I have steamed white rice, and the orange rice is hispanic rice. I only put a little of it over the white rice and made it star shaped ^_^ Yay for cookie cutters! XD

I’ve been a little sad lately because my mom will be leaving to Mexico this coming Monday. She’s going to be taking a plane down to CA and she is going help my grandpa drive to Mexico where they’ll spend 4 weeks there. They’re going to be going to Guanajuato! I wish I could go, but unfortunately I have no money.

That and the fact that I signed up for summer classes. I mostly signed up for them cause I wanted to get work study so I can go back to work at Web Weavers. Plus I guess it will be okay to get math and PE credits done with. I kind of regret not taking Algebra my senior year. I hate math.

Anyways, I didn’t really have anything to blog about. I thought I should just go ahead and post something random. XD For the hell of it, of course. But I’ll leave with a super cute picture of my adorable doggy, Sora.

I mentioned earlier that I was going to be making dinner for the first time ever for my family yesterday. Well I did and it was such a great success! ^^ I usually hate cooking, and I am terrible at it. But I was quite surprised at myself yesterday. I couldn’t believe I did everything myself.

I found a recipe for Curry-flavored Potato Croquettes at www.bento.com. It sounded really good so I decided to try it. I decided to not use curry, and I changed the recipe quite a bit.

Anyways, my parents absolutely loved it, and even my younger brother who thinks he’s too cool to sit at the table with the family, actually sat down and we all ate together. ^^ I am looking foward to learning new recipes and making new meals for my family!

  
Pic 1: Rice and croquettes. Tasted good with ketchup! Pic 2: I made a lot! Pic 3: My dad loved them. 

I finally received by Monokuro Boo bento box today! Thank you Meyli-chan for sending me this cute gift!
I had no idea that these bento boxes were so small! Sometimes pictures make them look big. XD But it’s okay, I still like it!

I am hoping to collect more soon. =) I want to get a My Neighbor Totoro bento soon! ^^

Well, I’m off to prepare for dinner! I am going to make dinner for my family tonight! I’ll be making curry-flavored potato croquettes, white rice, salad, and pineapple juice! I hope my croquettes come out good! It’s my first time making it. ^_^

Things are slowly starting to get better.

I have decided to use my time to do something creative and learn something new. So my new hobby is going to be cooking!

I am a TERRIBLE and LAZY cook. Well, I was. That’s about to change! Pretty much for me, I used to prefer not to eat anything if I had to make it. And if I was hungry, I’d be lazy and either beg my brother to make me something or I’d end up making instant ramen.

But now that I have a bento box on its way in the mail to me, I am really looking forward to making lunches and stuff. I have been so inspired by bento sites such as CookingCute.com. I’ve also been interested in learning and making new recipes and yummy food for my family and friends. =3  I’ve never been creative in that area, so I am looking forward to it!

I am hoping to make “Curry-flavored Potato Croquettes” tomorrow! I found the recipe at Bento.com. It sounds pretty yummy! I told my mom about it and she seems to be looking forward to it. The only bummer is that we ran out of potatoes today! So I’m going to have to go buy some, and also buy the bread crumbs.

I want to make a dessert too! But I don’t have the money to be spending on ingredients right now. So I am going to have to use whatever there is at my house. ^_^

I’ll post pictures of the first homemade dinner I make!! Yes, it’ll be a first! Cause I’ve never really made a “real” meal for my family or anyone. XD

Wish me luck! ^_^

While I was gone last week watching Adrian and September’s kids, I found out a lot of things were going on at home. Even though I was going crazy from babysitting 4 kids, I did kind of dread going home to where I knew there was a lot of problems going on.

I guess my parent’s fighting had escalated. Talk of jealousy and divorce was in the air. I found myself trying to escape everything by reverting to my “don’t care about anything anymore” self. I also, unfortunately, found myself running away from everyone else’s feelings and wanting to give up on my life again.

I admitted to my mom last night that I regretted ever going to the hospital when I took the overdose in March. I told her that everyday I can’t help but wish I wouldn’t of lived. I told her I had so many regrets. She of course told me that “giving up” on my life wasn’t the answer. That it would only hurt my family and friends. I told her I couldn’t help it. I didn’t care that I was thinking selfishly and of myself. It was my answer and choice.

Of course part of me is glad I didn’t die that night. But the other part can only remember. I can only remember not feeling any pain when I took the painkillers. All I remember was my body losing all sense. I couldn’t feel anything. I felt light, my mind felt empty, and I felt sleepy. And I wanted that sleep to overcome me. But I guess it must’ve not been what I really wanted. Otherwise, I wouldn’t of confessed to my parents what I did, and they wouldn’t of ever taken me to the hospital. So part of me wasn’t ready to let go.

For now, the issues in my family are working themselves out, and my parents are trying to resolve things. My mom says she is simply taking things one step at a time. Which I think is good. But as for me, I can’t escape these thoughts. I feel like, I don’t want to continue anymore, and I end up hating myself for it.

Maybe I should start re-taking my medication. Maybe it’ll help me be stronger. That is another thing I am tired of. My older brother, Javier, told me that at this time, I had to be strong. I had to be strong so I can overcome things and support my parents in whatever ends up happening.

I got so upset. I know I am not the only one in the world and in my family that has problems. But I am tired. I have been trying to be strong my ENTIRE life. My entire life and childhood was all fake. It was me trying to hide the truth about my things I did to myself and the stuff going on at my house. I remember in middle school, I never wanted to go home. At school I was always happy, and strong, and everyone thought my life and family were perfect. But every night I would cry myself to sleep. Being strong for everyone, it killed me. I don’t want to be strong anymore. I can’t take it. I wish I could be weak and have others support me, but I know it’s not possible.

I am happy that my mom has found God and is starting to fight for what she believes in. But at the moment, I simply cannot relate to what she says about God. I really feel no ounce of guilt saying I don’t believe in God. For me, there is no proof. I can’t stand my mom telling me of her newfound hope and faith in God. That’s all good for her, but I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to be preached about something I don’t believe in.

For now, I want to only believe in myself. I first want to overcome this depression and get through all these obstacles in my way. The only problem is, I don’t know how much longer I will be able to keep on trying.

Whew! I’m tired! x_x

I’ve been up since 4:30 babysitting. My sister-in-law, September, had surgery yesterday, and since my brother and my sister-in-law’s sister both worked, I volunteered to help while she’s recovering at the hospital and for the next few days until she feels better.

So here I am taking care of my 1 1/2 year old niece Gaby, her 5 year old step-sister Sydnie, and their 1 year old cousin, Hailey. We had an okay morning. I was able to get some house cleaning done because well, they don’t clean much. So I washed the dishes, cleaned the tables and counters, swept and mopped, cleaned the living room, and fed the girls. We then watched two movies together, and I finally got them to take a nap. I’m so thankful for the quietness. *_* But these girls really need some discipline and to be told correctly what to do. The girls do as they like, so it’s hard getting them in control. But luckily, I was able to do it. =D Heh, I’m a pretty tough babysitter. XD

Anyways, I was able to register for summer quarter. *yay*. I’m taking a math class and a P.E. class. But for some reason I am having trouble registering for Fall 08 classes. :(   It’s pissing me off! >_<

Hopefully I’ll get things settled though. *sighs* Time for me to take a nap.